I think your daughter will be okay with a bit of a break from a man who calls her a piece of crap and a mongoloid.
As for cutting him out of your life, all you probably have to do is offer to not ever pursue him for child support. If you get yourself in a position where HE suggests this, all the more successful it will be. posted by cairdeas at 7:20 PM on [5 favorites]
His being a part of his child’s life doesn’t give him license to fuck you or to fuck you over.
Now you’ve told us, right?
Also, as I often do, let me recommend Facing Codependence by Mellody, Miller, and Miller. My guess is that you’ll find a lot of it resonant. posted by Sidhedevil at 7:21 PM on
My mom stuck around with my dad (whom this man reminds me of) because she thought I «needed a father in my life.» It wasn’t until I was about ten and I asked Polonya kadД±nlar her «Mommy, why are you still with Dad? He makes you cry a lot and he’s mean to us,» that she realized how dumb she was being and filed for divorce.
Trust me on this – the absence of one parent is much better than the presence of a crappy parent. Keeping him in your life will only hurt your d on [12 favorites]
I should also say that it sounds like «no relationship» or «very limited relationship» might be the best option, given everything you’ve shared about this man’s lack of integrity, but you need to get past lumping the two issues together
I’ve been seeing a therapist for a phobia and have touched on this issue but I am so embarrassed to tell anyone about all the details because I look so stupid for putting up with it and taking him back.
And none of us think you are stupid. Look, I went back to a guy who told me I couldn’t come with him to visit his family at Christmas because there was no space for me (so I spent Christmas alone in a city across the country from all my friends and family) and instead flew to try to have sex with a girl he had met that summer. Do you think that I am stupid now that I told you that? Also it might help to read this. A lot of people favorited that comment because it helped them understand and have empathy with people who keep going back. Some of the rest of us favorited it because we have personal experience with how it feels. posted by cairdeas at 7:24 PM on [9 favorites]
I believe you and the father talk to a lawyer about» voluntary termination of parental rights.» The laws will be different depending on where you are (Texas law is here), but it’s a pretty serious thing to do. It is forever, and the man is not the father of your child anymore. He does not have visitation, he does not pay child support, and so on. He has to sign off his rights. posted by Houstonian at 7:28 PM on [2 favorites]
Whoa! As shitty as it may be, you have no legal leg to stand on if you attempt to cut him out of your daughter’s life. You may try to barter his not contacting her for non-payment of child support, but nevertheless, he has a legal obligation to pay support, and you have a legal obligation to let him see her according to the custody arrangements.
That said, you need to get into productive therapy that will allow you to stop letting this a-hole run roughshod over you. Your choices up until now are forgivable. Your choices for you as the mother of your daughter have to be made with both your interests and her best welfare in mind. Find a support group if you can.
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